So we moved into our new house on Yokosuka! It was a week full of packing our stuff and relocating. It is amazing how one can move from one house to another with near identical floor plans and still need to spend over $300 bucks at the exchange! Oh well. It is all worth it, especially for the boys who are now walking distance to the schools and all the after school activities.
Amie and I have done this moving things a few times with the Navy. We have an unwritten system that I think has contributed to our collective sanity thus keeping our marriage intact. I roll in first getting the big pieces situated and most of the boxes unpacked and out of the house in order to reduce the clutter of boxes, paper and bubble-wrap. Amie then follows, fine tuning the set up of the room.
In an effort to keep the backyard somewhat organized, I was arranging the boxes and piles of paper. We don't have a whole lot of outdoor stuff, some chairs, a bouncy house and some sports stuff, but I tried to move it into the outdoor shed that is provided. The shed is a large shed with two doors. After I opened the first door, I had to reach in to unlock the other door. As I swung open the second door I discovered an inhabitant of the shed.
After shouting the standard "Holy Sweet Mother Of God" and climbing back down off the roof of the house. I slowly moved forward to see if it was still alive. You would have thought it was a live Cobra in a killing pose by the way I was moving. I am not a huge fan of spiders, or as Megamind and I refer to them, Arachnis Deathicus! I thought it would be wise to get Amie's attention in case I became engaged in a physical fight to the death with this beast, so she could call for back up. I knew I was on my own when Amie saw the spider and quickly locked the door!
So as to be able to prove the immense size of this monster I stealthily placed a ruler and took a picture, because I knew no one would believe just how large it was!
The battle ensued. Knowing I was on my own, I quickly fashioned a weapon out of the only material at my disposal. The bouncing house was too cumbersome, but thank god for all that cardboard. Using my years of weapons training, I quickly folded a small cardboard box into a poor mans club!
My thought was to stun the mighty beast by banging on the back side of the door. Hopefully forcing him on to the grass and out of his high ground (two feet off the deck) advantage. My prey, however, was massive, cunning and quick. As I struck the door, he leaped INTO the shed trying to take advantage of the dark shadows inside. Despite Amie's advice to close the doors and never open them again, I bravely entered the shed to face down this terrible menace.
As he scrambled for better position, I swung my club (cardboard) and forced him back into the yard. Holding onto the initiative I swung again and stuck him square on the body. The mighty blow stunned him and he began to slowly crawl away. For the death blow, I threw the cardboard box over the top of him providing a 2x2 foot cover. Then using the best martial arts move I could think of, I jumped up and onto the box. (You would have thought the cardboard box had turned into a trampoline as I quickly leaped off the box heading for safety.) As I turned to make sure was hadn't turned into the prey, I heard Amie laughing uncontrollably at me from behind the safety of the sliding glass door.
I cautiously lifted the flattened box off the spider only to discover he was still alive. With no other options I dropped the box back on him and proceeded to jump repeated on top of it and hopefully the spider as well. After 7 or 8 Wrestle-mania type stomps. I checked again on my prey onto to discover some dismember legs and a squashed body. In order to remove the evidence from the back yard (like any smart killer would do), I refolded the cardboard box into a makeshift shovel/rack and tossed the body over the fence.
I will never look at a used cardboard box with disgust again, this one box saved my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment